Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A PSALM

I am happy to be in this place, 
loosened from the chains of rigid thinking 
and set free into the large, looming mystery of God.  

I am happy to have struggled so hard
to get to this place of healing, and for so long.  
I know now that the struggles are not in vain 
and that, in fact, mold me 
to a more compassionate self.  
Jesus, you did not come to this world 
to heal those who are well, 
but to those who are sick. 
Because the sick cannot, 
by the very nature of their sickness, 
take care of themselves.  
Because the depressed cannot,
by the very nature of their depression,
pull themselves up by their bootstraps.  
Because the poor,
by the very nature of their poverty,
have few options in a world that shuns them.

I am none of these at present.  
But I have been very sick at times, 
and walked with a friend through an illness
that lead to death...our prayers useless.  
I have been depressed many times, 
feeling a sadness and self-loathing 
that none who cared for me could ever understand.  
And I have felt trapped by low-income, 
and wondered how those who begin with deficits I did not-
born into poverty, ignorance and cultural hopelessness 
-ever overcome it all.

But mostly I have been molded by the struggle 
against feeling unworthy to God, 
planted there at an early age by authorities in my life 
who did not understand the nature of perfect love either.  
This lie, sometimes conscious, most times unconscious, 
bore within my soul a desperate longing, 
a sad and dark view, often unable to see light,
and left me impoverished of joy.

I praise God who did not leave my side in the struggle.  
Who sent me friends and teachers and books,
and movies and songs 
and allowed me to set aside 
all the groups and doctrines and beliefs for a time, 
so that in the end I could embrace the true Word 
and walk, Spirit hovering, down a narrow path of healing.  
Make me an instrument of your Peace...

Amen